Rhythms in Family


During my time working on the 5th floor oncology unit as a nurse, the powers that be made the move to bring our archaic paper work into the modern era of technology. We transitioned from hand writing every order, every note and every signature by hand to using electronic documentation. D.L., a nurse on that floor, told me the first time she clocked into a shift, she was 15 years old and wearing all white, walking to work from her home downtown. 40 years later, she was now expected to transfer all of her knowledge as a nurse and point and click for 12 hours a day.

Do I have to mention that this change happened with great and noisy clamor? Can you imagine the upheaval of routines? This was best expressed to me when during a stressful shift, one of the nurses ran to the patient refrigerator to grab an orange juice for her patient (I think his blood sugar was dropping). She yelled loudly that no one had delivered the juice that morning and began clawing through the icebox, until I pointed to the *newly packaged* juice boxes that her eyes had missed during a stressful time.

She saw her goof and laughed and shouted to the powers that be: “Hey! Change one thing at a time!”

There is no change that happens orderly, accommodating my schedule. However, I can adjust myself to move through change rather than change wrecking me. We can make a move to withstand change using rhythms:

Coffee in the morning – my wife and I, no matter what, who ever gets up first, starts the coffeepot and serves two mugs. We sip in silence until one of us emerge from dreamstate to begin the day by talking.

Family meeting – any time there is a change in our life, moving, adopting a rabbit, watching a new movie, even going to a new restaurant, we all go around the room and share what we like/don’t like about this change. There is no end game or goal except it grants everyone time to speak to the change.

Walks – once the work day was done, before dinner, we spent the first 15 minutes once the work day was done and before dinner. Looking back, it was a great way to cleanse the day off of me. So, when I entered my home, I had left all of the work stress out on the sidewalks.

Firepit – Eventually, we moved to an area with no sidewalks, no speed limit on the roads and yappy neighborhood dogs. Walks weren’t really an option, so we started a fire pit in the backyard. This was just a way to close out the workday and transition into a slower family pace of enjoying each other’s company.

Thankful time – We teach our kids “God Family Friends” to balance out the time we spend in relationships. One of the God times goes on during meals. This gives them a chance to practice saying “thank you” for the little and big things, sad and happy times. We even have a song for that!

Having predictable rhythms build security in any organism/organization/family. It reminds me of having rhythm in a music band. No matter what your skill level is, if you know the beat of the song, you can jump in at any time and be a part of something fun! Rhythms is knowing when to play and when to hold off, when to sing and when to hum, when to work harder and when to call it a day. Having predicable rhythms in family life means no one is a solo act free to call it quits if the show doesn’t go the perfect way.

Rhythm means we are a band, a group of people together under one song, joining in to display their special part of the system.

Movin’ and Groovin’

The key difference between those that move expertly through change and those that get stuck in the change are those that develop predictable rhythms in their life.



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